sky_awesome_

Online, I am beautiful. Online, I am confident. 
You can see it from my Instagram account; Pictures particularly posed to pretend That I am happy here. Here in my brain and in Mother Earth's arms I feel safer when I am someone else Wrapped in my skin and the plastic skin of my persona And yet I am still freezing. One is smooth, supple, sexy And the other is ill-fitting and ill-equipped.
Online, I am fun. I have thousands of friends But only 300 like my posts And only two of them like me. Nonetheless, every Friday I am out Surrounded by strangers And in a stranger’s body Bathed in glitter and another guy’s cologne. No one notices though; I wear it well. The clothes, the confidence, the comfortability None of it is owned, only rented for the night. When I come home, I slip out of the character And into my own skin draped in insecurity and grime. As I dress, I am reminded of how I got here. Who told me the old me wasn't good enough Who ripped my body to shreds But I can see their skin has a zipper as well.
Online, I take others at face value The ones that seem to have everything and nothing all at once. I compare my skin to theirs and do my best to emulate The glistening aura that embraces them. I do not see that the aura is made of sweat and tears Of the same hardships that I face. All I see is that their skin is smoother than mine Brighter than mine Better than mine.
Online, I am what I want people to see When I met them, however They removed my skin for me. They told me that it was okay to trust them with my true flesh; My plastic skin was ugly anyway. They picked it off of me, Shards hit the ground and made me flinch. I braced for them to leave, To think that I was too ugly underneath to love. Dragging their fingers over all the bumps, Scars, imperfections that I cover every day. They made me look beautiful. They whisper in my ear Damning every insecurity that I did not tell them Raising me from my pool of sewage and despair ad into their arms. I am addicted to them, Their words sweet like candy and oozes into me Breaking through my cold exterior and warming me up I love being warm. I love being me Only until they leave and I seep back into myself. I put the suit back on to look in the mirror. I stare at myself until I am a tan blob of matter Pooling on the floor for anyone to step in. I close my eyes and picture what it would feel like To get rid of my skin entirely. Bones and muscles breathing the air Not caring who I scare with my bare intestines The only container being my love for me. Until I know how to strip me of my skin, I will continue to use it to feel safe And trick people online.
          Online, I am someone else.